Heather Yourex- future

I'm really happy right now.

Really. Happy.

There are some horrible realities about Africa and I know I have not even begun to see how dark this place can be...but when I sit in a church and listen to the booming 10 part gospel harmony with the voices of the little 10 year old boy in his shirt and tie and the 60 year old go-go (African Grandma) in her church hat coming together... I can't help it... I fall in love. The rolling hills, those sprawling trees, the fact that anyone you smile at returns a grin that just pops with joy and instantly fills you up with with this connected feeling. I feel like I live in a musical right now ... And, AND! In 2 weeks I've become one of those "huggy" people. I love Africa. I love, love, love Africa.

Yesterday I met with Lynn and Jayme. The couple from Calgary I first made contact with to come here. The two of them are living and volunteering for hands full time and are at present handling communications and marketing. My team leaves at the end of this week and this meeting has given me a better idea of where I can actually be useful.

The thing about hands at work is that its pretty grass roots. There are no paid staff... The organization is about creating programs for communities with communities and eventually handing the programs to communities. Its mandate is to provide the basic needs for 100,000 orphans by 2010 and so far Hands is in SA, DRC, Zambia, Nigeria, Swaziland and Mozambique.

Its funny... I thought I wanted to come here as a journalist or a filmmaker. Then I felt frustrated I wasn't a nurse or a construction worker. But it turns out that I can actually be useful here as I am. Hands is in need of video right now to help with fund raising and the search for volunteers.

Its an overwhelming feeling when you feel like you've found what you're looking for. This place, these people, this opportunity and just knowing that, Yes - I can do this and I can actually be of use in a way that is actually meaningful! I'm a lucky girl and right now I'm very grateful.

I'm hoping to stay until mid November and get as much done on the wish list as possible. Already July is looking incredible with trips in the works to projects in Swaziland and Mozambique. This is going to be an amazing 6 months for me!

Heather preps for her workshop

Awesome-ness

Posted by Heather Yourex:

Under a still, black, perfect sheet of stars... Next to a pretty little African farmhouse... I went, tonight to a South African braai (pronounced bry- like cry) good bye.

(A braai is a South African BBQ)

You know... People can really be amazing. The people I've met here... To say they are inspiring doesn't quite do them justice. Tonight's braai was a going away party for Dan.

Dan is a 24 year old Calgarian who at the moment resembles that guy from "into the wild". His red hair continues down his face into a bushy 6 month grown beard and mustache... He jokingly strokes when someone says something worth pondering. It takes about 10 seconds to decide you like Dan, and about 3 minutes of watching him interact with one of the local kids or a student in his forward education program to be inspired. Dan - like many of the hands staff (all of which are volunteers) walked away from the comfy Calgary life a year ago to "serve" here in Africa. Its easy to see his impact has been profound.

Guys... Its hard to describe. We owe a lot to the people here - like Dan. I'm filled up with so much energy and gratitude. Its this raw, potent "kindness" these people dish out... Kindness that is so much more infectious than any virus.

This is what its about.

If I get nothing else from my time here in Africa...I will have the incredible understanding that these people walk among us. Quiet heroes that radiate all kinds of awesome.

There are no words for how happy I am to be right here...right now.

When you see what we are truly capable of...this world is truly lovely and amazing.

Heather Yourex- Perspective

Its been two weeks all ready and right now I would love to be in my own bed. Only because I'm kind of sick and being a big baby. Feeling under the weather has given me a whole new level of appreciation for the people here.

We spent the morning out with the home based care workers in Cork. Walking to the homes of 4 different AIDS patients. All were clearly unwell but - on a promising note - all were on ARVs and were doing better than previous visits. Honestly - this was a selfish day for me - walking and walking in the sun and the dirt all I could think about was getting into bed and sleeping until my headache and sore throat went away.

But I wasn't the only one feeling shitty. Scott and I walked with Martha and Ruth. Martha also had a headache and a stomach ache. The mother of 7 (with 3 grandchildren) walked 3 hous from her community to Cork to take part in home-based care training. (Work that is voluntary). Ruth explained her typical day... Up at 4 am with the wheel barrow and jugs to go fetch water... Back to start a fire... Make porridge for the children... Wash everyone.. Care centre for 9 to walk and visit patients)

Of course her day doesn't end there either. I, on the other hand, crawled into bed by 1 that afternoon and slept until 6 and got up and fixed myself tea, toast and fruit.

Yep - I may still want my own bed but compared to these amazing women - I'm pretty lucky to be exactly where I am :)

((Oh! And Kristen... Ruth sends her love))

Then Reality Enters the Equation

Note from Heather Yourex:

I'll admit it ..a little voice in my head is telling me something I'm not sure I want to hear. I'm starting to feel like I need to spend my entire 6 month leave here in Africa.

Not because I love it so much.
Not because I've fallen in love with the people and feel like I can change their lives with my amazing and generous presence.
And not because I've experienced a miraculous awakening.

Truthfully... I'm incredibly uncomfortable here. One minute I feel like I'm relating to the girls of Masoyi and then reality hits me between my eyes.

For one... This place is so isolating for me. I don't have the same kind of freedom I do in Calgary because - quite honestly - its dangerous to be out after dark or on my own at all.

I feel out of place and awkward. I feel shocked and disgusted often and there hasn't been a single day where I haven't had tears in my eyes.

There are so many awful things about this place.

So why on earth do I think I need to stay longer?

Put simply -because I'm a little terrified.

I'm in this murky place right now where my stomach feels knotted and my head is overwhelmed.
It was youth day today. A national holiday (Google it to find out what happened on this day in 1976). We spent the day with kids, teens and young moms with their babies. There was singing, dancing and inspiring dramas and speeches.

It was almost like any special school event... Except the kids were all orphans and most of them were really hungry. Making matters worse... I learned of something else going on that is behind this constant queasy feeling I have tonight.

Its called "mountain school" Its happening right now on the same mountain we're sleeping on this very night. Its a cultural right of passage for the kids of Masoyi. How the boys and girls become men and women.

Bribed with food, new clothes (and I've also heard some are taken against their will). Kids older than 7 are taken up Mount Legogote for 3 weeks.

During that time... The boys are circumcised and told to rape the girls. Many of the young girls come back pregnant.

And considering that many kids begin life HIV positive... The virus likely spreads here too.

What is going on?
How can things be this bad...on top of everything else.

The reason why I'm so scared right now is because I want to go home. I want to pretend this stuff isn't happening or at the very least isn't my problem. I mean - I know I can't fix anything, right?

It would be easy to to be able to fix everything or on the other hand to be able to say its not fixable and walk away.

I'm realizing the hard, incredibly uncomfortable, awkward and often painful stuff all falls in the middle.

Ugh.

I think I have to stay.

Heather Yourex- hanging out with the girls... and eating worms

What a busy first week it has been!

I'm laying in bed - having to get up and take an ice cold shower soon - and I'm a little bit tired! I love this.

One of the reasons I came here was to find a way to relate and connect to the "people living in third world, AIDS ravaged africa". The people that have become background to what bono and oprah talk about... What Fred Penner asks us to think about when he's asking for money on behalf of World Vision.

The thing is - that flat background isn't real at all. Relating and connecting has been easy. I did not expect that. We have so much in common and really, we want the same things.

Friday afternoon the girls on the team went to Masoyi to be part of some of the young mom support groups. A group of Moms gathering to talk about life and motherhood in somebodys backyard. We can relate to that!

The girls in my group were between 18 and 22. They all introduced themselves and explained how old their child was. Some were a few months... Some 5 years! A couple of kids were there... A little girl who was right in with the rest of us singing with all the actions.

The thing that struck me about the meeting was how comfortable it all was. We were just talking about goals and school and careers. Most of the girls are writing exams now. The topic of the meeting was goals... Where do you see yourself in 5 years.

There were 4 canadian women in the group and 8 young moms from Masoyi.Our goals were very much the same. Afterwards Nomfundo... A young girl who has lost a child... Invited me to spend a night at her place. One girl asking another for a sleepover. I hope it works out before I leave!

Oh and I had a fried worm yesterday... It was... Chewy

First Day in the community of Cork

Heather Yourex writes:

Hard to believe its all ready been a week!

So today I made my first trip to cork. A more rural, less developed community that grew out of a refugee settlement of those that fled violence in Mozambique. It makes Masoyi look like MacKenzie Towne.

Hands at work came into cork a few years ago but had to pull out last year completely because of problems with the local chief. A new government is now in place so hands is back... But only since april.

The kids are back at the care center (12 tiny children who are all double orphans ... Who leap into your arms as soon as you get out of the van). The care center needs a lot of work compared to Masoyi... For one there's no place for them to play outside.

Our task for the morning had to do with the upcoming launch of the young moms program in cork. It meant we spent the morning conducting research. Completely fascinating again! I ended up with a few others at the local high school. We spoke with two teen guys, two teen girls (one who had a child), a male teacher and a female teacher...after we went to a nearby home and spoke with a go go (grandma) who takes care of her great granchild... Born to a 15 year old Mom.

I was surprised with what I learned. Everyone agreed teen pregnancy is a bigger problem than aids and even the lack of food. Girls are getting pregnant on purpose as a way of getting money. The SA govt offers a 200 rand a month grant for children born to single mothers. The boys - we learned - most often don't take responsibilty and wind up fathering many children with many girls. A lot of the problems stem from the fact that many of these young girls have grown up without parental guidance or rules... Running wild and free. As a result... Child abandonement is a big problem in cork.
I cannot imagine being a child here! Teachers admit they can't really teach...school is more like crowd control. Kids have no one... And wind up being parents without ever having learned to parent.

The afternoon howeve held some inspiration. The team went back to K2 (a care center in Masoyi) where the Masoyi young mom support group leaders were meeting. This is an inspiring group of girls who are working hard to make the best out of a limited amount of options before them.
Monday is world youth day. A big deal here and everyone is working on songs, dances and dramas. We watched the young moms rehearse as we held onto the babies. I'm shooting the performances... I decided not to shoot anything until next month but I'm making an exception.

So that was today. Otherwise things are good, eating so well here - I feel so bad sometimes. The fruit here is unreal po pos (papayas), oranges, avacadoes are all in season and amazing.

It was hot for the first time today. Yay!

Friday: Young Mom program workshop

Saturday: day off...we're hiking up to a place called gods window

Sunday: we're heading to a new community to attend a church service. Wolverine has no programs and no water. The founder of hands is speaking at this church service...I can't wait.

The very wrong reality of the Child Headed Household

Note from Heather Yourex:

I'm on a real computer!!!! Woo Hoo.

Today I spent the day at the Lula centre. Its a daycare in Masoyi (which is actually smaller than I thought - population 220, 000). The Lula centre opened 4 years ago with the help of Hands at Work and at the heart of it is Ma Beauty.

Ma Beauty is a gigantic woman with an amazing amount of heart. I had heard so much about her that when I saw her I ended up running right into her arms.

Oh... I should back up to the morning meeting. And - no offense guys - this one kicked the 9:00 news meeting ass. ;). The Masoyi home based care workers were having a prayer meeting and so 30 of us crowded into the Masoyi office. Half of the team got to be apart of the meeting and we and 2 others were the only westernes there. They sang... every day is filled with so much singing. Gospel songs where everyone sings in harmony 10-12 part harmony. In Siswati and English... and then prayer requests. The requests alone will break your heart... for orphans, for the care workers, for travellers, for a couple in the Congo who just lost their baby. By the end of the meeting, a few of us were in tears.

I spent my day at the lula centre in the kitchen with Ma. She cooks the entire day... and the kids have half a jam sandwich with ovaltine fortified tea in the morning, a traditional lunch that today was hard pap (maize flour and water) with soup (beans, macaroni, tomato paste and vegetables) and cabbage and carrots. Then in the afternoon - another half peanut butter/jam sandwich and juice. At around 1 pm... older kids begin arriving - including a helper in the kitchen 19 year old Floyd.

Floyd was a pretty typical teenager... we washed dish after dish, a served up meal after meal together. Chatting about cars, and sports and Kanye West. He was a really cool guy who is in grade 10, struggles with english (if I could just get a dictionary it would help), likes phyics and plans to be a mechanical engineer. (If I can be a manager with the local power company I can get a BMW in 3 months - he has a photo of the dream car on his cell phone). Its starting to feel like a normal day... there's running water, plenty of food for everyone.

Of course... things aren't what they seem to be.

Before lunch I'm playing with some kids when a "go-go" or grandmother came to say hello. Her name is Joanna... and she has two children here at Lula. The kids are going on a field trip to Kruger Park on friday so many of the caregivers were there for a meeting. In total Joanna has 7 grandchildren in her care... one great grandchildren. Both her daughters have died in HIV in the last two years. She pointed to two little girls... Pretty and Princess. Princess she tells me has HIV.

Later - a white woman with a strong south african accent drops by. She works at the ACTS clinic and is here to check in on an out patient. We chat and she points to a little boy on a tricycle... an active boy I'd been chasing a little earlier. He has HIV, she tells me, 6 months ago he was so sick, so thin - we didn't think he was going to make it. Now - he's on ARV's and tearing around the yard like all the other boys.

And then - there was Lloyd himself. This totally sweet teenager - good looking - spending his afternoons volunteering at Lula. I finally asked - dude, why are you here?

He looked at me.

Because I'm an orphan - he simply said.

The ride home was probably the hardest part of the day. My eyes were burning with tears by the time we pulled back on to campus. The busses are driven by Hands at Work drivers and they take the children to their homes around the community.

Little children... 2 year olds sleeping on the seats... and when we get to their drop off points.

Nobody to meet them.

That sleeping toddler... met by an 8 year old girl. Giggling with her friends. Peter - the driver - tells me, they have an older sister. Still, even she is only 15.

And the image that is brightest in my mind today. The image I caught in a quick photo. 3 kids, ages 4-6 off the bus by themselves - right next to the busy highway taking each other by their tiny little hands and walking away.

Alone.

I waved and the little girl that refused to talk to me or really smile all day. The little girl who I just kind of grabbed and held on to. Turned and saw me waving in the front seat - and she actually smiled. I blew them kisses and the little boy gave me a thumbs up.

Then they kept walking.

They call them Child headed house holds... how on earth is this right?

Day Two- Heather is falling in love

This is a note from Heather Yourex relating her second day in South Africa:

Finding love in the back of a pickup truck. Yeah it sounds kind of dirty but it's the truth. I'm falling in love with this country from the back of the "bucky".

First off I should explain this country is COLD right now. Not Canadian winter cold but when you're dress code is long skirts and you've got only thin sweaters 7 degrees leaves you feeling popsicled. I should also point out that the second leading cause of death here is the crazy traffic. So I had my first "TIA" or "this is Africa" moment when someone told me I'd get a lift into Masoyi in the back of the truck. There we were... 12 of us... 3 white girls with 9 locals. Some nurses... Others just health care volunteers and people like me to observe. The first ride was awful... I was a little bit terrified.

By the end of the next day, I can't imagine getting around any other way. The rolling hills with so many homes... Shacks, stone houses with carefully swept dirt patios, young people everywhere in bright blue school uniforms, the too cool guys with their hats off to the side, gigantic roosters everywhere, women carrying all kinds of things on their head... It doesn't feel third world...just different world.
And for all the horror stories it is also stunningly beautiful.

The entire day was stunningly beautiful. Just before lunch I met Zodwa. A mother of 2 and a home based care worker in the community of Nthimba. We sat outside the clinic talking, for an hour as I waited for the truck. Zodwa is one of those people you meet that leaves you feeling just so full of awe. Her entire life now is about all the orphans. Children living alone throughout her community because their parents are dying.

Its very difficult, she tells me. They all need to eat - who is going to make sure they eat.We talked and talked...I couldn't stop with the questions. She is grieving the loss of her husband...but talking to me she smiled so often. Many time she had me in tears. When the truck came we hugged... I explained I was a journalist and was here for 2 months with a camera. She asked me to come back to Nthimba to meet all of her kids. " Let people see them, love them. We need help". I'm still awed by this soft spoken woman... To see the love and courage flowing from her.... I am very very lucky to have met her.

*In SA an orphan who has lost one parent receives 200 ran per month (even if the other parent has split long ago)
*An orphan that has lost two parents receives 700 ran/month up until age 15
*Orphans do not have to pay school fees but must buy a uniform - at a cost of 220 ran. (About 30 Canadian dollars)
* The price of bread has jumped from 2 ran a loaf to 7 ran
* An apple has gone from 50 cents to one ran 50

Tomorrow: I'm scheduled to work at the Lula Centre with Ma Beauty. A daycare/pre school center operated by Hands.
Thursday: Off to the community of Cork... A community with more problems and fewer programs. Laying ground work for the launch of the young moms program. We will be looking for new Moms for the program...in primary school. Young orphan girls age 9,10,11,12 are vulnerable to pregnancy... Because, I'm told "they're craving love"

First Day in Africa- Heather Yourex

All the reports back have been so positive. The team is loving Africa.
This note is by Heather Yourex as she relays her experiences so far:

written June 9th:

What do I do now that its real for me? Day one and I can't help but wonder what I've done. 24 hours ago this was still a world away problem... Something that I believed to be true but didn't really exist to me - personally.

Now I've gone and looked and in a way that makes me feel terrified and overwhelmed tonight...things have changed.

I spent the day with a health care volunteer today in what seems like a sprawling city slum. Picture something like stand off...the size of brooks.

Three patients...three people...three probable AIDS cases but no hope because each one of them refused to be tested.

The first woman was fairly healthy... But at 40 something she had shingles and wasn't getting better.

The second man was thin, sweating and trembling...he was being treated for TB but wasn't getting better. Again and although AR drugs are available and could still save his life ... He refused to consider HIV as his possible ailment.

But it was house #3 where I finally really looked into the eyes of this horror story.

In a house the size of a bathroom with only a matress and a few stools we walked into find a tiny remnant of a man laying in the dark. His eyes were wide and the white was so bright. He smiled at me and said hello, how are you in english. Then in his language he spoke with the health worker.

I couldn't understand what was being said but it was clear. I was looking at a man, dying of AIDS alone in Africa. He was looking right at me. He was born into a nightmare... I was born into a winning lotto ticket but for 1/2 an hour we sat in the same room.

He couldn't admit that he was HIV positive until it was too late. I was asked to pray for him at the end of the visit. Not really knowing what to do I stammered something out.

I keep repeating that prayer now in my head... Alone with AIDS in Africa. Its actually real...no closing my eyes to it now